a love letter to my husband on our six-month anniversary

Several people have told me that the first year of marriage is the hardest. As with most unsolicited advice, I immediately reject it and doubt its truthfulness. For me, the first six months of being married to you have been blissful. For you, however, I imagine they've been more of a challenge. As a way to make it up to you, let me offer a few apologies:

1. Clutter: For the last few months, our apartment has been a mess. It looks like a hostel, or a student house after a weekend-long bender. Every available surface has been covered with half-unpacked duffel bags, camera equipment, makeup, magazines, and discarded Kit Kat wrappers. The debris my life creates is not insignificant at the best of times, but as I find myself tripping over any number of things, I know that you (a born neat freak) are going insane. I'm sorry. Thank you for picking up after me.

2. Lack of sleep: It's bad enough I keep you up all night talking in my sleep (like that one time you listened to me orchestrate a shoot while sleeping), but now my subconscious has decided to start sleepwalking, too. I'm sorry you've woken up to find me creepily standing over you on our bed, or trying to take showers in the middle of the night, or punching/clawing you when you try to come to bed later than me. I don't know what's come over me, and while I do find it a bit hilarious, I'm sorry you have to be the one to calmly settle my sleeping self back down and then explain everything to me once I've woken. I'm sorry. Thank you for not committing me.

3. Incessant phone calls: I know I don't need to call you 5-6 times a day, but I want to. I know you cringe when you see me calling, because you know I'm probably going to ask you to run an errand, or tell you that I just bought a leopard print coat, or make you talk to me just to keep me company as I walk the last 3 blocks to our apartment. I'm a bit much, I know. I also know that most people text these days, but I need to hear your voice. I'm sorry. Thank you for always picking up.

4. Asking for advice: I know that I'm impatient and impulsive. I also know that, when faced with a decision, I usually panic and choose the ridiculous option (like that time at the bbq restaurant when I ordered a full pulled pork platter to myself) rather than the reasonable one (a simple sandwich would have sufficed). You're so much more careful, measured and deliberate that I am constantly compelled to need you to help me think things through. You're my closest confidant and I truly believe that being able to bounce ideas off you is what helps me achieve any measure of success. I'm sorry. Thank you for your wisdom.

5. Asking for affirmation: Did I make the right choice? Should I have tried this instead? Would you do this differently? Why didn't I think of that? You like this colour, right? Sweet mercy, I know I ask you a lot of questions. You've got a hell of a job dealing with an impulsive wife who also second guesses every one of her decisions.. I feel ya. And yet, I can't help myself from asking you to affirm and reaffirm every choice I make. I'm sorry. Thank you for your patience.

I'm a piece of work, I know.

These last few months have brought a lot of changes for us, and so much of what lies ahead is uncertain. Two weeks ago, I talked about some big risks I wanted to take. You instantly offered your support, whatever my decisions turned out to be. In the moments when I falter, that's when your super decisive side reveals itself and comes to my rescue.

I love you because you make being difficult feel easy. You help me push through the fear, the hesitation, the self-doubt. You're everything I'm not and so many things I'd like to be. I love you because when I scare the hell out of you with my sleepwalking, you wrap me in your arms and cover me with blankets. I love you because you let me drive you crazy. I love you because you don't ever let clichés dictate your life, and insist on defining things for yourself. I love that we, together, shape what a marriage is, and what we want ours to be, even if it means we go a little crazy trying to figure it out.

Here's to our first six months together!